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Exercises in Futility - Fails from the 2017 CrossFit Games

Posted on August 13 2017

The Reebok CrossFit Games, a pseudo-sports spectacle that I cover ever year, didn't fail to produce the comical disasters and ridiculous contests for which it is notorious. While the hazardous nature of the Games is immutable, the event itself underwent several changes this year.

First, it moved from Carson, CA, to Madison, WI, likely due to its temperate summer weather. Notably, Kara Webb and Annie Thorisdottir, both of whom suffered heat strokes in 2015, placed 2nd and 3rd this year.

what a difference not being cooked alive makes

Also, for the first time in years, ESPN3 didn't cover the Games live; instead, viewers who wanted to watch the Games on TV had to settle for 2-hour recaps on CBS Sports. Incidentally, ESPN2 aired the finals of Street Fighter V, which means that a fighting game is considered more of a sport than exercising.

CrossFit got bodied free

Furthermore, CrossFit primarily streamed the individual competitions, providing scant coverage of the Teens, Masters, and Teams events. Rather than stream on YouTube, as in previous years, CrossFit made the dubious decision to stream on Facebook, a platform that isn't as prepared for high-quality live streaming. As such, many viewers encountered buffering issues and low-resolution video quality. Sales of Reebok CrossFit spanky pants must have been low this year, a trend that will likely continue given that a statuesque Nordic blonde didn't win the Games this year.


"I just want to watch half-naked girls do burpees, dood."

Finally, CrossFit included a cyclocross event, though it was only cyclocross in name. The course was noticeably flat and had sparse obstacles whose difficulty didn't befit a contest that claims to find "the fittest on Earth." Competitors also rode on mountain bikes, not cyclocross bikes, which is like wearing boxing gloves in an MMA fight.

To witness all the bizarre and disastrous moments from the cyclocross event and others without sitting through hours of footage, watch my coverage on YouTube.

Celebrate the stupidity of the Games with this limited edition "CrossShit: Bad Form is the Norm" T-shirt, printed once a year right before the event.